I am ‘bad’ at just being happy

I am Bad at just being Happy!

Can you embrace happiness?

Do you recognize the feeling of things moving to a brighter better place in life, you are actually doing good, several area’s in live move easily and in flow? The struggles you are used to seems to have disappeared. But that feels uncomfortable somewhere deep down, that is something your system is not used to… So it creates something, something to be upset about, a new struggle or thing to fix, something that is not good enough or something we need to have before we can be happy (consciously or, mostly unconsciously).

OMG who doesn't recognize this?

I am not good at it you know, when things are good. Because something in me is not used to things being good, my default mode is having to deal with challenges… My nervous system is wired that way and will look for it’s comfort zone… Also, something in me does not want to feel good, cause if I let in the good, the bad can hurt harder. So I protect myself from pain. When things are good I can suddenly start to drink coffee while I know it will make me feel bad, or I start to binge watch Netflix suddenly until 2am, while I know I need good quality of sleep. Then I can also feel bad and blame myself for doing those things.

Hello comfortable ‘bad feeling’, how nice you are so strangely familiar...

I am confronted with how I hold myself back and small, how my programming creates this. But you know? We ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE. We do, although me might not always realize it. I know I have a choice. Yet being aware of that choice is the biggest challenge of all. The awareness is a big step, but also the doing it differently is a big one because everything in us will want us to go back to what we know…We are often more scared of love, then we are of pain.

Pain is easy, we can bear, carry, deny, run away or 'be the victim'. Love is scary, there is no place to hide, only shine. REALLY…. HOW strange is that when you think about that!?!

And yet…. How real it is in the world we live in. But not the ‘normal’ I want to live in. Not the normal I wish to experience anymore...

I am relearning, relearning to be 'just happy'. Without making it into another thing to fix or ‘work on’. I am starting to dream my new reality into existence. One where I can be just happy and I am good at it..

Will you join me in creating Heaven on Earth?
Were we can be happy and not suck at it, actually to be good at it!?!